


I'll give you my heart to make a place for it to happen.

by hyemiyah



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyemiyah/pseuds/hyemiyah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn’t know who he is, what he is supposed to be without Infinite, without Sunggyu telling him what’s their schedule for the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I crawled out the window and ran into the woods.  
> I had to make up all the words myself. The way  
> they taste, the way they sound in the air. I passed  
> through the narrow gate, stumbled in, stumbled  
> around for a while, and stumbled back out. I made  
> this place for you. A place for you to love me.  
> If this isn't a kingdom then I don't know what is.  
> Richard Siken - Crush.

It’s the end for all of them. Or the beginning, like Dongwoo said—Dongwoo has always been a glass-full type of guy—and they are saying their goodbyes. Woohyun stands alone in the dorm after making excuses about having too much to pack but not really wanting to leave. He just wants them to be like their name, endless. He takes a deep breath and sucks in as much as their mixed scents as he can, makes a room to store them forever in his memory—febreeze and shampoo and the faint scent of Sunggyu’s fragrance. He stands awkwardly in the living room and talks to himself for a while longer, laughing softly and desperately so as to not think of the word that is already forming somewhere in the back of his brain. _Pathetic._

He gets a text from Sunggyu _“Woohyun-ah, go home quickly. I’ll call you tomorrow_.” And he feels the urge to start crying because Sunggyu knows him so well. But somewhere in the back of Woohyun’s mind he isn’t sure if the person Sunggyu knows is the real Woohyun anymore. He doesn’t know who he is, what he is supposed to _be_ without Infinite, without Sunggyu telling him what’s their schedule for the day.

In his windowless room, Woohyun lays in his bare bed and contemplates the glow-in-the-dark stars that Sunggyu bought for him. Everybody had made fun of him for coming out second in the rock-paper-scissors game and still choosing the room without windows. Although Woohyun knows they were worried about him getting the room where it was always dark. They all knew Woohyun was claustrophobic so Sunggyu had thought about it and came up with the idea of buying the stars. They were pretty and were always glowing and they meant the world to Woohyun. They meant Sunggyu cared for him, meant maybe just _maybe_ Sunggyu loved him a little more than he loved the others. Meant maybe there was still hope for them. For him.

Woohyun decides to spend the night in the dorm, he doesn’t have to go home right away—doesn’t want to leave. He doesn’t have a schedule anymore, their CEO had told them to rest for as long as they wanted and came back to him fully charged, ready to tell him their plans. They all knew what they wanted to do except Woohyun. What Woohyun wanted was for Infinite to last forever, for him to be Sunggyu’s right hand man, always. _A Kim Sunggyu without a Nam Woohyun is like chopsticks without a spoon, a thread without a needle, a kite without a string._

But when he wakes up Sunggyu’s there at the foot of his bed. Woohyun can’t see him but he can hear him trying to wake him up.

“Woohyun-ah, what are you still doing here? Why didn’t you go home? Your parents are worried.”

“Hyung… what time is it?”

“It’s 10 am. Go wash yourself and get ready. I’ll take you home.”

But Woohyun doesn’t move. He doesn’t want to go.

“Woohyun-ah, I know how you feel but we have to get out of here. We have to leave. You have to go home.”

But this is home. Woohyun doesn’t say that. He doesn’t want Sunggyu to see how pathetic he can be—even though he is sure Sunggyu knows. Sunggyu always knows.

“Hyung, I…”

“I know, Woohyunie. But we can’t stay here any longer. We disbanded. Infinite is not infinite anymore.”

Sunggyu is ruffling Woohyun’s hair while talking to him fondly and Woohyun can’t help but lean into the touch. Lean into Sunggyu. Lean until he is hugging Sunggyu and burying his nose in the nape of Sunggyu’s neck. Lean until he becomes part of Sunggyu’s body, which is where Woohyun thinks he belongs.

“Ah, Woohyun-ah, what’s wrong? Why are you like this?”

“Hyung, I…”

Woohyun doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know if the words that are going to come out of his mouth are going to be what he truly feels, he can’t tell anymore. He got so used to being Infinite’s Woohyun that he doesn’t know what else to be. He is not even sure he is something else altogether or if he is going to be Infinite’s Woohyun forever but he doesn’t want that, he just wants to be himself even if he has long forgotten how to. He ends up saying nothing instead.

When Woohyun joins their lips together, the kiss that follows is sloppy and slow, like they have all the time in the world to taste each other. Woohyun doesn’t know how to tell Sunggyu all he wants to tell him, so he kisses him instead. Sunggyu starts laughing and Woohyun kisses all the sounds that come out of Sunggyu’s mouth.

They have sex for the third time in their life, it’s their third time but for Woohyun it feels like the first one. Sunggyu takes time exploring Woohyun’s body like he’s never seen it naked before. He kisses each and every mole like they hold secret meanings about Woohyun.  
In the aftermath, Woohyun is still by Sunggyu’s right side, with his face buried where Sunggyu’s shoulder meets his neck. Sunggyu is looking at the glowing stars in the ceiling and telling Woohyun how pretty they are and how fascinating it is that they still glow so bright after all this time. They’ll have to take them down before leaving for good.

It’s late when they finish packing Woohyun’s stuff.

Woohyun cries the entire time they spend walking down the stars.

The next day, Sunggyu enlists in the army.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Lauren, for carefully looking over this and correcting my grammar mistakes with little notes that had me giggling. You're adorable.
> 
> Also, thank you Alicia for putting up with my ridiculous whining and for you encouragement and words of wisdom.

 

 

_May the memory of this moment, here,_  
_the glowing impression of the two of us facing each other in this warm,_  
_bright place drinking lovely hot tea, help save him, even a little bit._  
_Banana Yoshimoto - Kitchen_

 

 

 

 

 

The first couple of weeks in the army, Sunggyu finds himself counting the people in his platoon out of habit. He never makes it past number six.

He realises it will take him a while to get used to not being the one in charge, the one responsible for the lives of six other people and isn’t sure what’s harder, unlearning how to be a Kpop band leader or learning how to be one.

 

 

 

 

Sunggyu realises being in the military service is pretty much like being an idol, only a lot more organised—or monotonous, he isn’t sure. He gets to eat 3 meals a day without fail, all on time; gets to sleep 6 hours each and every night—sometimes even more—and finds his duties dull but not harder than being followed around everywhere, definitely not harder than being mobbed by the people that claim to love him, having all his moves recorded, uploaded and shared on the internet.

Whenever he’s bullied, chills run across his body at the realisation of the freedom he now possesses. He doesn’t have to put on a fake smile and act nice and cheerful all the time.  He can allow himself to get mad at people, to yell, to curse, to inflict pain on the people that hurt him—he never does but the idea of being actually able to do these things make him feel alive.

But it’s good to feel alive. His line of work was robotic and fake; even if the love he claimed he had for the fans that helped them get to the top was real, sometimes he’d feel the words he was taught to say were not entirely true but they had to be said to please the fans; he’d put on layers on BB cream as if he’d be putting on a mask and recite the same lines over and over again.

In the idol world, time moved at a different pace and most of it was spent waiting. Waiting for their debut, for his turn to get his hair and make-up done, for their turn to perform, for their flight to departure.

Eventually on the days he’s allowed to go out, he goes home to his parents, goes out to dinner with Dongwoo, has a few drinks with President Lee, calls Sungjong to nag about him being the oldest in his squad and still having to follow orders from sergeants that are younger than him.

“Sungjong-ah, kids these days know nothing about respect.” Sunggyu’s said this so many times he can almost hear Sungjong rolling his eyes at him but Sungjong has always been a very good dongsaeng and he still indulges Sunggyu in his rants. “They are your superiors, hyung. You’re the one who should learn about respect.” Sunggyu snorts, but he knows Sungjong is right. Sungjong is always right.

 

 

 

 

When Sunggyu is released from the army, he doesn’t expect to see as many people waiting for him as he sees. TV and news reporters asking him what his plans are, a few fans holding ancient Infinite banners, his mom smiling widely at him. But the face he’s looking for isn’t there.

 

 

 

 

Sungyeol lets him know it’s been a while since he last saw Woohyun and that he isn’t even sure where Woohyun is now. The last time Woohyun had contacted Sungyeol, it’d been from somewhere in the Jeolla Province.

Sunggyu remembers Woohyun trying to take every single thing he ever owned from their dorm. The other members had left a lot of stuff; all of them neatly packed in cardboard boxes in the living room, waiting for one of the managers to donate them to charity or just throw them away. Woohyun was the only one that had insisted in taking everything with him, _“you left all that stuff behind because none of it mattered anymore; to me, everything matters.”_

He was such a romantic man, Woohyun. Sunggyu thinks he has an idea where he could be now.

 

 

 

 

During his trainee days, Sunggyu had made inhuman efforts to get along with Woohyun, and after trying every single thing possible and failing, he started to fill their distance with words.

Sunggyu had told Woohyun about how much he missed his mom, his hometown, and his childhood friends.

He remembers telling Woohyun about a tiny and rather informal restaurant just north of the Hanok Village, in Jeonju, that served traditional kimchi soup with a lovely variety of banchan. Sunggyu had very warm memories of that place that gave off a feeling of an ancient era; it was as if time had stayed still and the people working in that place were trapped forever there. It was a scary thought but Sunggyu liked it, he enjoyed watching people wearing hanboks, listening to the way jondaemal seemed to smoothly roll off their tongues.

The days that followed, Woohyun had used jondaemal when addressing Sunggyu. This was the first time Sunggyu thought he could actually like the kid.

 

 

 

 

Sunggyu spends the whole bus ride to Jeonju sleeping. He dreams about the day he had stepped out and volunteered to be the new leader, about learning how to shape himself to approach the six kids that had, in retribution, trusted him and followed his lead unconditionally.

Myungsoo had been the easiest one: in contrast to his godly sculptured facial features, he was timid and extremely naïve.

Woohyun had been the hardest: he was always smiling seeming to be enjoying himself and the company but sometimes his eyes said something entirely different. Sunggyu had learnt to read every one of his looks, had learnt where to look, what to pay attention to.

Regardless, it’s always the hardest to learn how to read the sadness out of people, and it had always appeared to Sunggyu that Woohyun carried all kinds of different sadness inside of him.

 

 

 

 

It comes as a shock to Sunggyu the fact that he can’t recognise the person in front of him. The man has Woohyun’s body and he had sounded exactly like Woohyun when he had shouted a greeting as Sunggyu entered the place. But he doesn’t _feel_ like Woohyun at all, despite all the space between them.

The man’s stare is cold, even if Sunggyu notices the smallest hint of surprise in his eyes, for a second. Or maybe Sunggyu had imagined it, after all he is sleep deprived and his limbs are sore from the trip. Then the man speaks again and Sunggyu’s heart drops to the floor.

“Hyung…” Woohyun’s voice sounds empty but his eyes seem emptier, Sunggyu hates the way that makes him feel already. “Hi, Woohyunie, long time no see.”

The winter cold hasn’t left Sunggyu’s body, even if Sunggyu realises the air conditioner inside the restaurant is set high.  It’s a good thing that the restaurant is empty except for him and Woohyun. Perhaps they were already closing, Sunggyu had completely lost track of time, it’s visibly dark outside but he has no idea what time it is.

“Your stubble is growing as fast as always, hyung.” There must be something wrong with Sunggyu’s body because he feels the icy winter cold piercing through his heart, and he is sure he closed the door after he came in. He hopes his voice doesn’t betray him much when he blurts out the next sentence, “How have you been, Woohyunie?”

“Me? Never been better.” _Liar._ Sunggyu thinks to himself.  Woohyun has always been a terrible liar. Sunggyu sees every single question he’s holding back, probably out of pride _. Did you come all the way here looking for me, hyung? Did you sleep on the bus? Did you dream about me? Did you miss me? Do you still love me?_ Yes, Sunggyu thinks. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The answer to all those questions is yes, even if that last one is more of a wishful thinking.

“What are you doing here, Woohyun-ah?” Woohyun’s still emptily looking at Sunggyu but then he blinks and just like that, his eyes become unreadable. Sunggyu doesn’t know what to make of that. He is still standing awkwardly by the door after changing his shoes for slippers on the entrance. His feet are cold. If he ventures north, Sunggyu confirms that his heart is also cold. He pushes the feeling aside. It’s not time for that, not yet. Not when he can see Woohyun looking exactly the same as the last time Sunggyu saw him, broken and alone.

“Are you going to have something to eat or are you going to stand there forever?” Ah, yes, food. That’s what Sunggyu came here for, right?

“Ah, yes, food. I came here for food. Are you still open?” Somehow, Woohyun fits perfectly with the place, Sunggyu notes. “I was about to close up when you came in but I’ll feed you. You look terrible, hyung. Come sit at this table. I’ll bring you soup in a moment.”

The restaurant hasn’t really changed. The only thing that Sunggyu notices is different is the man who just told him he was going to feed him, and the fact that he was not wearing a hanbok nor using polite speech with him. But the old warmth embraces Sunggyu after Woohyun leaves; he relishes the atmosphere of the old restaurant, with the dim lights and the wooden furniture, it still feels like time has stopped here forever. And maybe it has, in a way. Woohyun trapped forever with his unreadable eyes and his strong forearms, looking exactly the same.

Woohyun comes back with his food and sits opposite of him, their knees almost touching under the table. Sunggyu remembers Woohyun’s body warmth had always embraced him whenever they were close to each other. He realises he’s still cold. 

Sunggyu thinks he’s looking at a ghost.

 

 

 

 

There are people that can’t remember the exact moment they lost their innocence; Sunggyu isn’t one of those people.

He remembers it exactly, he and Seongmin had been playing hide and seek in Seongmin’s house. When it was Sunggyu’s turn to seek, he’d briskly found Seongmin hiding in his mother’s closet, and then Seongmin had said something Sunggyu will never forget. “You should’ve let me win. You and your family are freeloaders in our house.”

After that, Sunggyu had gritted his teeth and lost every single time.

He remembers going quietly to his family’s shared bedroom that night, taking notice of his mother’s exhausted features for the first time, and feeling much older. He remembers how the tears had prickled at his eyes, how he’d bit the insides of his cheeks to stop them, failing. How the unfamiliar feeling of humiliation had tucked at his heart.

The next time Sunggyu had looked at his reflection in the mirror, it had been another person staring back at him, someone older, wiser, sadder.

Before, when Sunggyu looked at Woohyun he could see there was still a bit of innocence lingering somewhere inside the kid. Now all he can see in Woohyun’s sharp edges is sorrow, anguish, heartache. Yet Sunggyu thinks that buried deep under all those unpleasant feelings, he can see love. Perhaps everything is not lost, even if Sunggyu looks at Woohyun now and all he sees is his reflection in the mirror, in Seongmin’s bathroom all those years ago. Woohyun looks older, wiser, sadder.

Sunggyu’s lost his appetite, all of a sudden. In fact, he thinks if he keeps looking at Woohyun he’s going to vomit all the banchan he’s eaten so far just to have something to do with his hands.  His soup remains intact and it’s probably as cold as Sunggyu feels, now.

 “What are you doing here, Woohyun-ah?” asks Sunggyu, putting his chopsticks down. “I own this place. Of course I have to be here, hyung.”

This kid, Sunggyu thinks. He probably says it out loud, incredulity filling his words. “What?” Sunggyu doesn’t mean to make his words sound so prickly, but he can’t stop himself.

“I bought this place. The former owners were too old to run the business and none of their kids wanted to keep the place. So they sold it to me. They still come sometimes. I don’t charge them for their food. Halmeoni loves me.” Of course halmeoni would love Woohyun. Sunggyu thinks there’s a 103% chance harabeoji loves him too. None of that answers Sunggyu’s real question, though.

“But what are you doing here?” Sunggyu doesn’t have time for games, or more like he doesn’t have the energy to play. He feels too old and tired, too sad and heartbroken. “Hyung, did your hurt your ears when you were in the army? Or you probably hurt your brain… You keep asking me that and I just told you. I _own_ the place now.” Sunggyu suddenly realises Woohyun must have it worse than him. Okay, if Woohyun wants to play this game, Sunggyu is going to play it. “It’s been a while, Woohyunie. I… hyung is getting old.”

Or maybe not.

Sunggyu thinks his heart is saying the next words without his permission because the voice that comes out of his mouth is tender and full of regret.

“I’m sorry” is all he says. He’d meant to say “I missed you” hoping Woohyun hears, “I love you so much, it’s always been you”, instead.

Sunggyu’s attention is completely on Woohyun now. And he thinks that, for a fraction of a second, he had made Woohyun drop his act. It’s not much but at least it’s something. He needs something to convince himself he can start all over again.

“Hyung, are you done? Help me close up.” The dim light is casting shadows in Woohyun’s face and Sunggyu wants to trace the patterns with his fingers. He’s sure his Woohyun wouldn’t mind. In fact, he’s sure his Woohyun would lean into the touch, absorbed in the feeling of Sunggyu’s lean fingers on him. He’s not sure about this Woohyun though; after all, Sunggyu’s never been good with strangers. “Ah, yes. Okay.”

 

 

 

 

Woohyun ends up in the kitchen sink, washing the dishes. Sunggyu contemplates his back while he arranges the metal cups and rice bowls. One must never turn his back to the enemy. Sunggyu sees hope in the tightness of Woohyun’s pretty neck and his sharp shoulder blades. If Woohyun’s showing Sunggyu his back, he may not see him as the enemy.

But when Woohyun turns around and closes the distant between them, Sunggyu thinks he shouldn’t have been so hopeful. The kiss that follows is nothing but harsh and vengeful tasting, as if a huge part of Woohyun— _this Woohyun_ —were trying to consume Sunggyu, eat him whole, leave him broken and alone just like when Sunggyu left Woohyun a couple of years ago. And this, Sunggyu thinks, this is what he deserves. He says nothing, just kisses Woohyun back hoping Woohyun can feel Sunggyu’s surrender.

“My room is in the back of the store,” says Woohyun, his eyes are still dark and unreadable but they’re heavy lidded and Sunggyu can see a lot of _want_ in them. Sunggyu manages an “okay” as Woohyun bites Sunggyu’s lower lip and he thinks that they probably are not going to make it all the way to Woohyun’s room.

They don’t.

Woohyun fucks Sunggyu on the same table in which Sunggyu had been eating a while ago, digging his fingers a little too hard into Sunggyu’s skin, and he’s thankful Woohyun has always cut his fingernails short otherwise he’d end up with bloody marks on his hips. Sunggyu doesn’t protest, he just gives in, lets Woohyun put down his pants and underwear and proceeding to do the same with his own clothes; then Sunggyu feels a wetness on his inner thighs and the next thing he knows, Woohyun is burying his cock deep inside him without even a word or a warning. For a while all Sunggyu can think of is the unbearable pain going through his whole body but he doesn’t say anything. If this is what Woohyun wants, Sunggyu is going to give it to him. If this is what it takes to have Woohyun back, Sunggyu is not going to complain. Not even when he knows how much his body is going to hurt in the morning. No physical pain can compare to the ache of a broken-hearted Nam Woohyun.

When Woohyun comes with a low grunt, forehead against Sunggyu’s shoulder blades, Sunggyu’s cock is nowhere near hard but the pain has subsided a little. He thinks he hears Woohyun muttering something as he pulls his out of Sunggyu but his ears are still ringing from the pain so he can’t recognise the words. Sunggyu turns around so he’s facing Woohyun when he asks _“what?”_ but Woohyun’s already put on his clothes and is walking out of the door.

As Sunggyu’s buttons his pants, he finds a small bottle of lube on the floor and wonders if Woohyun carries that on his pocket. The bottle is almost full. Sunggyu doesn’t really know what to think of that.

 

 

 

 

On their last day together, in their old shared dorm, Sunggyu had secretly sneaked one of Woohyun’s glow-in-the-dark stars into his own pocket. That was the thing that had kept Sunggyu going, in the army. That was what he had looked at every night, convinced Woohyun was doing the exact same thing somewhere warm and safe.

Sunggyu had fallen asleep imagining he was in Woohyun’s windowless room, feeling Woohyun’s body weight on the mattress and the familiar warmth emerging from his body right next to him.

Sunggyu wants to know how much of him Woohyun carries around. He’s spent his days in the army with a plastic phosphorescent star hidden on a sewn secret inner pocket in his uniform, terrified his superiors would find about it and take it away; he dreamt about windowless rooms at night, a room filled with Woohyun’s scent. Sunggyu wants to know how much of him is still in Woohyun, or if there’s anything at all.

 

 

 

 

Woohyun’s current bedroom is nothing like it had been when they lived at the dorm.

After Sunggyu cleaned up the mess they made earlier in the restaurant and the kitchen, he’d sat at the same table on which he had been fed and fucked, carefully placing his bottom in the wooden chair and flinching in pain when he’d been fully seated. But Woohyun hadn’t come back and Sunggyu’s body ached and the pain in his chest was making him dizzy, he needed a bed, he needed to rest. He wanted Woohyun to know he wasn’t going anywhere. So he made his way to the back of the restaurant and found Woohyun’s room. Then he had turned on the light and smiled softly when he realised Woohyun had a window now.

The room is clean, the walls are white.  There’s a bed and a little desk with a chair opposite the bed. It’s neat; there are no clothes on the floor. No boxes filled with years and years of fan letters and gifts. Not a single one of Myungsoo’s photographs in sight—Myungsoo always printed the photos he’d liked the most and give them to his bandmates. It doesn’t even smell like Woohyun. The room is cold and empty, just like Woohyun’s eyes.

Before letting past memories tug at his heart more, Sunggyu turns off the lights and drops his body on the bed, eyes facing the ceiling.

And then he sees them.

The glow-in-the-dark stars.

 

 

 

 

A memory of Woohyun. The saddest one of all.

Sunggyu is helping him get all his stuff in Sunggyu’s car. Woohyun has so many boxes filled with memories that he doesn’t want to let go of that there’s barely space for him and Sunggyu in the car now. Woohyun sits in the passenger’s seat with a box full of fan letters on his lap and his backpack on top of it; as Sunggyu drives away from the dorm he can hear Woohyun sniffling softly and he doesn’t have to turn his head to know Woohyun’s crying. Sunggyu doesn’t say anything, he knows Woohyun is not particularly loving him for dragging him out of the dorm. It reminds Sunggyu of a child’s behaviour after their parents decide to move places, stubbornly thinking he could never call any other place _home._

It’s endearing, really. Sunggyu wants nothing but to wipe Woohyun’s tears and brush Woohyun’s hair out of his face and maybe kiss him, forever. It’s frightening, how much he needs Woohyun, how much he wants to spend the rest of his life with Woohyun. How much the sight of Woohyun crying for something Sunggyu thinks is ridiculous but Woohyun thinks is perhapsthe most important thing in his life fills him with warmth and affection. Sunggyu panics. Woohyun is too sad and his eyes are too puffy to notice the way Sunggyu looks at him when he drops him outside his parents’ house and tells him to get some sleep and to not forget to eat his meals. Sunggyu stays in the car and stares at Woohyun’s back, at the sadness resting in his shoulders while Woohyun’s eyes are fixed on all the boxes now scattered on his parents’ porch.

Sunggyu’s heart aches in all the wrong places. The panic doesn’t recede.

 

 

 

 

Woohyun comes back a little before dawn. Sunggyu’s been sitting on his sore ass, waiting for him for hours.

“I thought you’d be gone by now, hyung.” Sunggyu knows exactly why Woohyun had left him there alone. He knows exactly the way Woohyun’s brain works. “Why would I leave? I came here to find you.” There’s genuine surprise in Woohyun’s eyes; it lingers there for more than Woohyun’d want to; Sunggyu knows Woohyun’s still unrelenting. “Well, you left before. Why wouldn’t you leave now?” Woohyun tries to go for an annoyed look but mostly he just looks pained, his heart finally reflecting in his eyes. Sunggyu doesn’t think he can take it anymore. “I’m sorry, Woohyun-ah. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. _I_ _’m sorry_ _.”_ The last sorry comes out teary and full of regret, as if Sunggyu were saying, _“I fucked up but here is my heart for you to take and do whatever you want with it, just like you did with my body a couple of hours ago.”_

When Sunggyu takes the glow-in-the-dark star out of his wallet, Woohyun finally starts to cry, disarmed, defeated, and beautiful. Sunggyu thinks of himself as a sadist for being able to enjoy watching Woohyun like this. He knows Woohyun hates to show this side of him to people, but Sunggyu was never people. Sunggyu was Sunggyu. So Woohyun allowed himself to cry, to be broken, vulnerable. Sharing sadness with other people means you’re really close to them. Sharing happiness is easy; letting people seeing you suffer is always the hardest. Sunggyu’s heart beams in his chest. 

Woohyun manages to utter _“hyung”_ in between sobs and Sunggyu finally _finally_ allows himself to hug him, rubbing patterns in Woohyun’s back—a heart, a cloud, little circles, the words love in Hangeul—while Woohyun cries his heart out into Sunggyu’s chest. Sunggyu has always liked the way Woohyun’s head fitted against his chest.

“By the way, Woohyun-ah, do you go around carrying a bottle of lube in your pocket?” Woohyun’s sobs turn into a chuckle, and then into a loud laugh. Sunggyu realises this is the first time he’s seen Woohyun laugh since he came back and he savours the moment, taking in as much of the way Woohyun’s eyes crinkle as he can. He wants to do this forever, make Woohyun smile, fill entire places with the sound of his laughter.

 

 

 

 

The sun is up by the time Sunggyu wakes up in Woohyun’s room, sunlight coming from the window and falling onto Woohyun’s body peacefully resting next to him. Sunggyu thinks Woohyun is so beautiful it almost feels like despair. He understands why kingdoms fell and kings died, why some of them sacrificed it all if it meant they’d be allowed to be with that one person. He’s never going to let go.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
